7 Reminders for When You Feel Behind in Life

When someone else's milestone makes you question your own life, these seven reminders help you decide what you want and what to do next.

Clarido Team··3 min read

A friend buys a home. Someone you used to work with announces a promotion. You were having an ordinary day, and now you're wondering what you've been doing with your life.

“Everyone has their own timeline” may be true, but it doesn't tell you what to do with the disappointment. You might want some of those same things. You might also be measuring yourself against a life you wouldn't choose.

Pick a reminder that fits what set off the comparison today.

  1. 01

    Name the comparison

    “I'm behind in life” covers a lot. What are you comparing right now: pay, friendships, a relationship, somewhere to live? Name the thing that stung.

    “I wish I had more people to spend weekends with” gives you a clearer question than “Why is everyone doing better than me?”

  2. 02

    Check where the deadline came from

    Some dates have real consequences. Others come from family expectations or a plan you made years ago. Before treating an age as a deadline, ask what actually changes at that point.

    “I thought I'd own a home by now” deserves a different response from “My lease ends next month.”

  3. 03

    Leave room for what you don't know

    You can see the new house or job title. The money and support behind it may be less visible. You don't need to assume someone is secretly unhappy to question the comparison.

    Try naming only what you know: this person reached a milestone you'd like. That doesn't describe either person's whole life.

  4. 04

    Ask what you actually want

    What would that milestone make possible for you? More money could mean fewer worries about bills. A different job might mean evenings at home. Get specific about the life behind the achievement.

    You may still want the promotion. But wanting a predictable schedule could lead you toward a different role.

  5. 05

    Count what has taken your time

    Caring for someone, paying bills, keeping a household going, or getting through a difficult change can take much of a year. Include those things when you look back at what you did.

    Write down a few responsibilities you've carried. Include them alongside the things you wish you'd done.

  6. 06

    Choose one action that fits

    Use what you want to choose a next step. If you want more company, invite someone for a walk. If you want different work, ask about one role that interests you.

    A step won't settle every concern. It does give you something to do besides checking how far ahead someone else seems.

  7. 07

    Give the comparison less room

    Notice where you keep returning for another look. You could mute an account for a while, stop looking up former classmates' profiles, or spend an evening without checking updates.

    You can be pleased for someone and choose not to follow every detail. See whether the extra space helps you attend to your own plans.

Choose something worth keeping in sight

An intention might be “Make time for the friendships I want” or “Explore work that fits my life.” Our guide to setting an intention can help you find your own words.

Clarido helps you choose those words and put them on your lock screen. A check-in lets you notice whether you acted on them, what got in the way, and what you want to try next.

Questions that come up

What if I really have missed an opportunity?

Name what closed and what you still want from it. A particular job may be gone while similar work is still available. Other losses may need time before you decide what comes next.

Can comparison ever be useful?

It can point to something you want to learn or change. Try asking a person how they got started, if they're open to sharing. Use what fits your circumstances, and leave the rest.

What if I know what I want but keep putting it off?

Choose the specific part you've been avoiding and check what makes it hard. These four ways to get started can help you find a manageable next step. For more space to think, try one of our self-reflection prompts.

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